It’s just beyond me… Part III
(And it just seems like plain nonsense…)It's just beyond me… Third session. I'm terribly sorry I'm late… but between one thing and another I've been a bit isolated from the modern world these days and I just couldn't make it… thank you for changing my appointment by the way, it won't happen again. Honest.
You cannot imagine how frustrated I was this week of not being able to come and talk to you, you know… I though maybe you didn't want to see me again and I honestly felt the thin walls of my feeble mind were going to collapse without your help and your expert advice. But here we are, so once again, thank you for your infinite patience.
How did I feel? I've told you, frustrated! Well, that's quite a difficult question doctor! It's like explaining what being in love or being sad feels like… Yes, I suppose so. Well, it's a bit like being in a cubicle more or less. Yes, you know, one of those public toilet things. A tall, narrow and extremely claustrophobic cubicle where there is hardly any space to move and no way out. Then, water slowly creeps up and starts filling up the space… you can feel it wetting your clothes, trickling around your body, like an death note that lingers in the air until you drown… it is a feeling of impotence because you feel that you cannot escape… I slam at the door and try to escape but my muscles don't react… I struggle with all my might but…
Oh! That was unpleasant. I hate this weird feeling, doctor, I hate it more than any thing else in the world… I can live with pain, betrayal,… but I can't put up with this terrible feeling that nobody cares about me and that I am doomed to be forgotten.
Well, it has been a while since I last felt it… actually, it has been years since I last felt it.
I can remember the last time.
That year, Clara and I had decided to start a small business selling ashtrays we made out of recycled cans. You know, the kind poor old beggars sell on the streets. Clara always was a bit of an artist and made them look quite decent. I was more of a salesperson than anything else really. My mum use to say that I am able to sell a freezer to an Eskimo. Anyway, we started “Glitter” that year a very, very small business that didn't only specialize in ashtrays, oh no, we also had bookmarks and a lot of unreasonably priced bits and pieces. Spanish
You cannot imagine how frustrated I was this week of not being able to come and talk to you, you know… I though maybe you didn't want to see me again and I honestly felt the thin walls of my feeble mind were going to collapse without your help and your expert advice. But here we are, so once again, thank you for your infinite patience.
How did I feel? I've told you, frustrated! Well, that's quite a difficult question doctor! It's like explaining what being in love or being sad feels like… Yes, I suppose so. Well, it's a bit like being in a cubicle more or less. Yes, you know, one of those public toilet things. A tall, narrow and extremely claustrophobic cubicle where there is hardly any space to move and no way out. Then, water slowly creeps up and starts filling up the space… you can feel it wetting your clothes, trickling around your body, like an death note that lingers in the air until you drown… it is a feeling of impotence because you feel that you cannot escape… I slam at the door and try to escape but my muscles don't react… I struggle with all my might but…
Oh! That was unpleasant. I hate this weird feeling, doctor, I hate it more than any thing else in the world… I can live with pain, betrayal,… but I can't put up with this terrible feeling that nobody cares about me and that I am doomed to be forgotten.
Well, it has been a while since I last felt it… actually, it has been years since I last felt it.
I can remember the last time.
That year, Clara and I had decided to start a small business selling ashtrays we made out of recycled cans. You know, the kind poor old beggars sell on the streets. Clara always was a bit of an artist and made them look quite decent. I was more of a salesperson than anything else really. My mum use to say that I am able to sell a freezer to an Eskimo. Anyway, we started “Glitter” that year a very, very small business that didn't only specialize in ashtrays, oh no, we also had bookmarks and a lot of unreasonably priced bits and pieces. Spanish
Well, we were so taken with the idea of becoming to “important” business women that we stashed up our “office” (The garage) with all types of clutter. You could say we over did it a bit: we had tons of pens, pencils, note pads… and we took all of our parents old mobiles and even one of those office bells you see in films and that you can buy dirt cheap in your local mini-market. Of course it was all totally useless because no-one actually came to our office, we just went around local fairs selling our bits and bobs. But we were young and enthusiastic.
“By the way, I wanted to ask you something.”
“What?”- I answered, lighting a cigarette.
“Get out of here, you know you can't smoke in here! My mum will kill me if she smells cigarette smoke!”
“Fine…”- I pulled at the cord that made the garage door swing open and I went out onto the deserted street- “Are you coming out?”
“What for? I can see you and I can hear you just fine, thanks.”- she answered, cutting out some strips of pink card that she would latter transform into elegant bookmarks.
“Yeah, but its weird to have a two-location conversation.”
“Don't be silly.”
“I'm not.”- I grinned- “By the way, what did you want to ask me?”
“Mmm?”- she mumbled, completely absorbed by her artistic world.
“Earth calling Clara! Freak! Are you there? Freak!”
“Sorry?”-she answered dreamily- “Oh yes, I wanted to ask if you knew anything about your grandmother's friend.”
“Which one?”
“The only grandmother you have left!”
“Ha-ha, very funny… I mean which of her… “charming” friends are you referring to.”
“Ms. Guinivere de Laterza, of course! Who else? It's just its a long time since I heard her programme and I was wondered it they've cancelled it or something.”
“Oh…that seer person… I'd quite forgotten about her…”- At that moment I remembered what that woman had said to me and I started shivering like mad – “I'm sorry Clara, but I'm afraid she's dead.”
The cans she has handling collapsed to the floor with an enormous crash. She had turned quite pale, as if someone had told her a close relative had just had and accident.
“What?”
“She was really old, Clara. Old age just caught up with her.”-She started crying. I just stared at her without knowing what to do.- “Clara, don't get so upset, I mean, it's sad the poor old lady has died but she was extremely old and, well, don't get this the wrong way but we weren't really that close anyway…”- It suddenly struck me that there was something Clara wasn't telling me but then again it wasn't the best moment to start asking question.
“You know what that means, don't you?”- she starred at me while she brushed away her tears.
“What on earth are you going on about?”- One of the phones started ringing. I answered it- “Hello?”- A shrill voice started crying down the phone, mumbling gibberish- “Sorry, I think you've got the wrong number…”-I hung up the phone and threw it on top of the tatty desk- “How on earth do these lunatics get hold of our number?”-I mumbled.
Clara was staring at me, wide eyed. I wasn't sure what to do but when I was just about to ask her to please stop doing that because she was freaking me out, all the phones started to ring simultaneously.
“Pick it up, will you!”- I snapped as I picked up one of the phones.
Clara didn't move.
“Hello?”- a deep voice was yelling at me- “I think you have the wrong number, sir.” – I hung up and I picked up another of the ringing phones while I stared at Clara with menacing eyes. Clara still didn't move.
“Hello?”- A little girl was begging me to listen to her but she didn't let me answer, she just begged me to listen. Fed up with the utter nonsense, I put the phone down.
“Lunatics… you have just got to be kidding…” – I picked up my phone and started calling my friends- “James, tell Will, Lizzy and Charlie to stop mucking about… it's not funny!”
But it wasn't my friend who answered me, it was a heart-broken cry rang in my ears. I slammed the phone on the table in horror.
At that moment all the old phones started ringing again. They didn't stop… I tried to pick them up but every time I did it was just people wailing and crying. I was fed up of the racket and I turned them all off… I even threw some of them against the wall… but they didn't stop ringing.
Clara didn't move, she just stared at me with her poker face, her eyes were lost in a trance from which even the wailing phones did not manage to wake her.
“By the way, I wanted to ask you something.”
“What?”- I answered, lighting a cigarette.
“Get out of here, you know you can't smoke in here! My mum will kill me if she smells cigarette smoke!”
“Fine…”- I pulled at the cord that made the garage door swing open and I went out onto the deserted street- “Are you coming out?”
“What for? I can see you and I can hear you just fine, thanks.”- she answered, cutting out some strips of pink card that she would latter transform into elegant bookmarks.
“Yeah, but its weird to have a two-location conversation.”
“Don't be silly.”
“I'm not.”- I grinned- “By the way, what did you want to ask me?”
“Mmm?”- she mumbled, completely absorbed by her artistic world.
“Earth calling Clara! Freak! Are you there? Freak!”
“Sorry?”-she answered dreamily- “Oh yes, I wanted to ask if you knew anything about your grandmother's friend.”
“Which one?”
“The only grandmother you have left!”
“Ha-ha, very funny… I mean which of her… “charming” friends are you referring to.”
“Ms. Guinivere de Laterza, of course! Who else? It's just its a long time since I heard her programme and I was wondered it they've cancelled it or something.”
“Oh…that seer person… I'd quite forgotten about her…”- At that moment I remembered what that woman had said to me and I started shivering like mad – “I'm sorry Clara, but I'm afraid she's dead.”
The cans she has handling collapsed to the floor with an enormous crash. She had turned quite pale, as if someone had told her a close relative had just had and accident.
“What?”
“She was really old, Clara. Old age just caught up with her.”-She started crying. I just stared at her without knowing what to do.- “Clara, don't get so upset, I mean, it's sad the poor old lady has died but she was extremely old and, well, don't get this the wrong way but we weren't really that close anyway…”- It suddenly struck me that there was something Clara wasn't telling me but then again it wasn't the best moment to start asking question.
“You know what that means, don't you?”- she starred at me while she brushed away her tears.
“What on earth are you going on about?”- One of the phones started ringing. I answered it- “Hello?”- A shrill voice started crying down the phone, mumbling gibberish- “Sorry, I think you've got the wrong number…”-I hung up the phone and threw it on top of the tatty desk- “How on earth do these lunatics get hold of our number?”-I mumbled.
Clara was staring at me, wide eyed. I wasn't sure what to do but when I was just about to ask her to please stop doing that because she was freaking me out, all the phones started to ring simultaneously.
“Pick it up, will you!”- I snapped as I picked up one of the phones.
Clara didn't move.
“Hello?”- a deep voice was yelling at me- “I think you have the wrong number, sir.” – I hung up and I picked up another of the ringing phones while I stared at Clara with menacing eyes. Clara still didn't move.
“Hello?”- A little girl was begging me to listen to her but she didn't let me answer, she just begged me to listen. Fed up with the utter nonsense, I put the phone down.
“Lunatics… you have just got to be kidding…” – I picked up my phone and started calling my friends- “James, tell Will, Lizzy and Charlie to stop mucking about… it's not funny!”
But it wasn't my friend who answered me, it was a heart-broken cry rang in my ears. I slammed the phone on the table in horror.
At that moment all the old phones started ringing again. They didn't stop… I tried to pick them up but every time I did it was just people wailing and crying. I was fed up of the racket and I turned them all off… I even threw some of them against the wall… but they didn't stop ringing.
Clara didn't move, she just stared at me with her poker face, her eyes were lost in a trance from which even the wailing phones did not manage to wake her.
“Clara! What is going on?”- Panic, that's all I could feel as I hastily decided to run outside on to the deserted street. But the noise didn't disappear. It screeched out of the nearby houses, of the parked cars… a mayhem of pointless ring tones.
“Leave me alone!”- I wailed in despair when I realized that I couldn't escape that living hell! They got louder and louder.
At that I couldn't see the street anymore all I could see was that cubicle… I couldn't breathe… I couldn't move… I was living my worst nightmare and I couldn't speak… The water level was rising and announced that the end was near with a cacophony of ring tones. Why didn't anyone do anything? Couldn't they hear that dreadful noise? Despair took over my senses. I wanted to run away, far away from that nightmare but my muscles didn't react. I struggled but it was totally useless…
The noise wasn't ring tones anymore, it was…
Oh, is that the time? Well, I have to go, doctor. Yes, we will continue next week.
Thank you. Ok, three times a day. These make me sleepy though… yes, well, it's always nice to have a good night's sleep.
Ok, see you next week.
Goodbye.
“Leave me alone!”- I wailed in despair when I realized that I couldn't escape that living hell! They got louder and louder.
At that I couldn't see the street anymore all I could see was that cubicle… I couldn't breathe… I couldn't move… I was living my worst nightmare and I couldn't speak… The water level was rising and announced that the end was near with a cacophony of ring tones. Why didn't anyone do anything? Couldn't they hear that dreadful noise? Despair took over my senses. I wanted to run away, far away from that nightmare but my muscles didn't react. I struggled but it was totally useless…
The noise wasn't ring tones anymore, it was…
Oh, is that the time? Well, I have to go, doctor. Yes, we will continue next week.
Thank you. Ok, three times a day. These make me sleepy though… yes, well, it's always nice to have a good night's sleep.
Ok, see you next week.
Goodbye.