It’s just beyond me… Part XV

Chapter 6: Secrets.

Sixteenth session.-I'm not a very good liar. And that is basically due to the fact that I think lying is silly. First of all, because you have to remember what it was you said when you told the lie and after awhile you keep adding and subtracting impossible details… so the result is something completely different to what you started of with! Secondly, because when you lie to a stranger it is surprisingly simple but, alas, lying to someone you know and, worse still someone you love… well it's practically impossible. Moreover, when the truth revealed, which it always is in the end and usually by the wrong person at the wrong time, its effects are even worse than the ones the reason why you lied could have ever had. Confusing? I know, but basically it's like pulling out the wrong piece of a LLENGA tower: everything you built on top collapses into a noisy and chaotic mess. I hate lying. 

For example, when Clara asked me if I had seen Guinevere's spirit at the funeral, I lied.

When my father caught me smoking… I lied.

When my husband asked me with how many other men I had been before him… I lied.

When I asked for a grant where it was necessary to be fluent in Portuguese… I lied. 

When people asked why my husband was leaving… I lied. 

…

But they where all "white lies" you see.. there were very good reasons behind them, you know. The consequences, had the truth been known, would have been so much worse… And I wouldn't have met you either. Ah… a sad thought, isn't it?

I was "economical with the truth" for good reason… and I saved the life and reputation of a lot of people by doing so. 

The bad thing is that truth has the nasty habit of showing it's mischievous tail at the worst possible moment. No, it likes to be known. And in our case, it bombarded our beautiful life until it was nothing but a sad and dismal ruin. 

It is sad. 

Yes, I know. 

But we will never know. 

No, secrets aren't lies. They are just things that are not out in the open. They are a bit like black holes that take negative information out of your life so you can be happy. 

But if you try to cover them up with lies… ah…

Maybe…

NO.

Never.

 

Tell me about it. I mean, Susi's secret started this whole lying business. Poor thing, I met her on the street once. She knew who I was but I honestly didn't recognise her. It's sad that you don't recognise your own sister. I saw her the night before I went to the cinema with Peter.

I wish I had recognised her.

 

I wish she had never ended up at that foster home.

I wish Susi had never lied about her real parents… she would still be alive. 

Well, I saw her picture in the paper… and I suddenly realised who she was. She had killed herself about an hour after she had seen me.

I never told my parents about it… I though it best to keep it a secret… my sister died of an overdose, because the last person she had in the world had ignored her. 

Me.