It’s just beyond me… Part XX
And it just seems like plain nonsense…)It's just beyond me…
Twenty-First Session. –Don't look at me like that. It's as if you had never seen a drip in your life. Now don't be so melodramatic. At least they have discovered what I have, although it's not the best news in the world, it's always good to know when my expiration date is. Hey, I'm not complaining, it could be much worse. With my age? Nonsense … a year, a just a year … Come on man! Don't you know how depressing it is to have survived your whole generation? And many people that weren't even even born when I was a young girl …
Whatever these quack say, I'm just old, that's it. I am not conceited, it seems that when they pass their MIR they are given the license to be God. But it isn't that way. If people were meant to live forever we would ever grow old. Even though old age can be fooled by surgery, exercise and votox but reality remains: we all age and we are all going to die.
You are taking it the wrong way, like most people in this world do. Cells, like yogurts and salad in a bag, have their expiration date. And, like everything else, if you put in the fridge and make sure they are free of germs, they are likely to last more than their expiration date. But sooner or later there will come the day when they rot. Oh come on, don't look at me like that. It's only natural. Don't be afraid. Just make sure you have played the cards life dealt you the best possible way and enjoy the game. At the end of the day, you will never live the same day twice.
Well, I've always said that everything I like is immoral, illegal or fattening … Seriously, think about it! Come, come, I thought you were a man of the world … Anyway, I played the cards life gave me, I've done everything possible to be happy and make those around me happy. It is clear that nobody is perfect and that everyone has bad moments… I think that what hurts the most is the betrayal. They say that a damage to the spirit cannot be forgiven. I've never quite understood what it means. Well, yeah, I guess that's it. Clearly.
I think a good example would be, that is to say, at the same philosophical level, the damage that can be caused by betrayal. Believe me, being betrayed by someone you trusted is very painful. I hope never have to suffer … The despair runs throughout your body and you feel like the most stupid and naive person in the world …
That night, the children hadn't come home. I had gone to talk to them about their work. I wanted to put a stop to their nonsense and to do something useful with their life. They explained that, unfortunately and beside all their efforts, many people had marked them, they were stigmatised by what happened to their father.
We sat that afternoon and evening calling Universities. Simon wanted to join the army but did not let him because of his police record, so he was working as a waiter. Peter wanted to be an architect, but the University rejected him even though he had an excellent average. My children were judged because of me.
After struggling for hours, we managed to find a solution. In the August heat, I left my children's filthy apartment and went home. The lights were out and the moonlight the summer sky. The weapons gleamed in the moonlight. It was then that I heard it. I opened the door, and there I saw my husband and Clara, my best friend for as I can remember, in my bed.
That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I knew I was at the police station. My neighbour, the poor woman, had heard the gunfire shot and called police.
It was at the trial that I learnt that when I had seen the two traitors, I took the loaded gun that my husband kept in the dresser and I shot them. The police found me lying between them. Clutching their lifeless bodies and bathed in their blood.
The judge said I was temporally insane. That was what the judge said. I never thought that these things happened or at least not to me … but it was the testimony of my children that saved me from rotting in prison. They said it was fine when I was having dinner with them and they told them about all the dreadful things in my life and the level of their betrayal … I talked about my first husband … my parents … my friendship with Clara … And so I ended up in here.
Don't be sorry.
I'm not.
Life is like a poker game, you are dealt your cards and you manage as best you can to be happy with them.
Some people are lucky and all they get are aces and figures. Others will play with sevens and eights and it's not bad. I got all the twos in the deck. But that's no reason to be sad, because you can and still win. You can be happy, you can leave the best card for last. And even though the great events of my life are anything but cheerful, there were some good times.
Here I am, waiting for you to explain it to me the reason why all of this is beyond me…and to see if you can answer this question: How is it possible that I am happy with the crap life I have had? But I fear that the end it's the other way round! I have to explain why I'm happy to you! Happiness, my dear doctor, Tommy, my dear grandson, is not what you have, or what you want, it's just the capacity to appreciate every tiny bit of the positive in every moment of your life.
Nothing is as terrible as it seems. And I have lived many terrible things. Too many. But that doesn't mean that there is nothing but suffering. It's not wrong to cry. But there is always the hope that things happen for a reason. Remember that there is only one thing worse than the truth … having to live with a lie. Coping with life as it comes is what makes you happy. I hope that, one day, you'll understand what I mean. I hope you enjoyed my crazy stories.
Remember I told you a while back, that, many years ago, a crazy lady called Guinevere told me I had a special talent? I don't know if it is true or not and, frankly, I don't care. Because I've lived my life the best way I could and I faced things as they came. I tried to be happy and to bring happiness to anyone who was near me. And my name will not go down in history like Caesar, Cleopatra or Pilate. But honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. Their names are associated with blood and loneliness. If you want to remember mine, please remember it with fondness and affection. And if not, let me be forgotten… after all, I did the best I could with the cards I was given.
See you next week. Take care. Oh, come on, give your dying old grandmother a hug. Yes. See you soon. Goodbye.
Yes, it does make sense.